As your loved one walks through the stages of Alzheimer's, you may have some emotional struggles. Here are tips to help you understand and control your emotions.
There I was sitting at the kitchen table listening to my daughter ask my mother (who has Alzheimer's) questions about her family. Mom said that my sister was her sister and that she had two brother (actually, those are my siblings too)! My mother had no idea who I was. I felt a surge of emotional diarrhea surface from the pit of my stomach but I knew I had to control my emotions...but how do you control your emotions?
This is just one true story told by one of 15 million Alzheimer's care providers out there who care for a parent with this disease. And with the challenges of Alzheimer's comes the inevitable question, “How do you control your emotions?”.
Good Question. If you currently take care of a loved one with Alzheimer's, you know how hard it is to control your emotions. Just when you think you have a handle on how to deal with one type of situation, a completely different case-scenario arises.
First, let's talk about some basic tips for controlling your emotions; then, we will get into a couple specific case-scenarios that may come up and how to control your emotions in some common situations.
Here are 4 tips to help you control your emotions:
- Balance. What does “balance” mean? It means that you will need to balance yourself before you can control your emotions. One way to find balance is to try a calming exercise. Many people have found excellent results through meditation or yoga. Another option is creating a “quiet time” where you can decompress. It is amazing what time spent in meditation can do for your emotional state of mind.
- Face your emotions. When caring for a loved one, you will feel everything from frustration to anger. How easy it is to just sweep those emotions under the rug until one day you explode! A better approach is to face your emotions head on and learn how to manage and control your emotions.
For example, if it helps you to go home or shut yourself in a room and cry after dealing with a difficult situation, then do it! If you need to unload, then call up a friend or relative and talk it out. Be sure to find someone who will listen to you and not judge you.
Another great way to face and control your emotions is to write them down on paper. Consider keeping a private journal to vent all your frustrations in. This might be helpful as a practice at the end of the day and it will help you control your emotions better.
- Get help. If you find it difficult to control your emotions on a daily basis, it may be time to get some help. What that means to you may be quite different than someone else. Look at all your options that may include in-home assistance, Day care options, or simply having a friend or relative sit with your parent while you go out for an hour or two.
- Get moving. Studies have shown that people who work out on a regular basis are not only more content but also have better control of their emotions. If you want to control your emotions, get moving! Go for a bike ride, a walk or join a health club. You may even want to consider enlisting a “workout buddy” to keep you motivated.
Controlling Your Emotions When Your Parent Forgets You
A common situation that arises for an Alzheimer's caregiver is when your parent forgets you for the first time. Of course, a common reaction is hurt and anger. But remember, this is a disease and it is not your parent's fault they can't remember you. It will do no one any good if you can't control your emotions in this situation. In fact, it may cause your loved one to become more agitated. A better solution is to take some deep breaths and remind yourself this is the disease taking over your parent's mind.
Controlling Your Emotions When Your Parent Forgets You But Remembers a Sibling
How easy it is to take this personally! Yet, there may be many factors in play that you cannot understand. Maybe your parent sees your sibling more than you. If this is not the case, you still need to keep reminding yourself that Alzheimer's is deteriorating your parent's mind. You will need to cultivate self-control and learn that your parent's inability to remember you is not a form of rejection. Also, understanding the disease and how it progresses may help you control your emotions.
Written by: Brett Bayda
Navacare helps adult children learn how to protect and prolong their elderly parents' independence by offering FREE resources and information at www.navacarenow.com.
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