3 Alzheimer's Lessons I Learned from Having a Parent with Alzheimer's

3 Alzheimer's Lessons I Learned from Having a Parent with Alzheimer's

Valuable Alzheimer's lessons learned from a Baby Boomer walking through this disease with my own parent.

I will admit that having a parent with Alzheimer's has been a very humbling experience. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be sitting here right now writing about my own experience as an adult child of a parent with this disease, I would have laughed. Now, I just want to cry.

As difficult as it is to discuss this mind-destroying disease, and make no mistake about it - it is a disease, I know it is meaningful to share the most important Alzheimer's lessons I have learned from walking down this road with my parent. Of course there are many life lessons that we can learn from neurological diseases (and diseases in general) but these are a few the Alzheimer's lessons that have most changed my perspective on life.

Alzheimer's Lesson #1: Leave The Past In The Past

When a parent is first diagnosed with Alzheimer's, you tend to think what went wrong? You wonder if anything could have been done to change or prolong a healthier brain function for your parent. And, like most adult children, you question whether you did enough to help your parent. Did I somehow fail them?

So, my Alzheimer's lesson is that thinking like this is not only futile but it is self-destructive as well. Why? Because no matter how much you think about it, it won't change your parent's current mental status. Right now, your parent has Alzheimer's and no amount of contemplating what you could have done differently will change this fact. So, get on with living in the present moment and let the past be the past! This proved to be a valuable Alzheimer's lesson for me.

Alzheimer's Lesson #2: Stop Being Right All The Time

You heard me right, or should I say wrong? You see, there will be times that Alzheimer's will make your parent forget things that are commonplace. And when a parent with Alzheimer's starts to lose their short-term memory, you will need to stop being right all the time. And for those of us who are prideful, this may be the most difficult Alzheimer's lesson of all.

I'll give you an example from my own experience: When my mother was in the early stages of Alzheimer's, she was convinced she was an only child. By the way, she had seven siblings. I insisted she was wrong and made the mistake of telling her the truth because I had to be right. The outcome was an argument that could have easily been avoided. Remember this Alzheimer's lesson: Being right isn't always best.

Alzheimer's Lesson #3: It's Not Personal, It's A Disease

When your parent has Alzheimer's, you are expecting them to forget the impersonal things like where they left the car keys. Yet, nothing prepares you for the forgetfulness that gets personal. Like when your parent forgets you for the first time!

I'll never forget (no pun intended) the first time my mother forgot me...I had just returned home from my daughter's softball game and my mom was over visiting. When I walked in, she asked where her husband was and called me, “that woman”. I was hurt and I took it personally until I reminded myself that Alzheimer's IS a disease and my mother couldn't control the fact that she didn't know who I was. This was yet another valuable Alzheimer's lesson.

What really helped me is to understand how the brain works and why my mother couldn't even remember her own daughter. Someone once explained it to me like this: the neurons in the brain stop connecting and die. Eventually, there is no place to store memories. A simple explanation like that really helped me understand how Alzheimer's destroys a person's memory.

I hope these Alzheimer's lessons I learned the hard way will help you as you walk with your own parent through the Alzheimer's journey.

Navacare helps adult children learn how to protect and prolong their elderly parents' independence by offering FREE resources and information at http://www.navacarenow.com/.  Check out helpful articles on Alzheimer's at: www.navacarenow.com/caregiver-articles

Written by: Tonia Roemer, Member of Navacare Team